Oh, what's in a (nick)name?

Baseball immortal George Herman Ruth was more commonly known by the his nickname, ‘Babe.’ Legendary defensive lineman Ed Jones was called “Too Tall.” And college basketball great Pete Maravich was “Pistol Pete.”

For as long as professional sports have been familiarized in American living rooms thanks to the invention of television, certain athletes have had nicknames bestowed upon them with which their coaches, teammates and loving fans and friends refer to them. And the Massachusetts women’s soccer team is not different.

Almost as soon as they sign a letter of content with the Maroon and White, incoming female soccer stars have a playful pseudonym given to them by UMass coach Jim Rudy. He said he likes nicknames not only because they help him reach a personal level with his players, but they also make opposing players confused when he shouts instructions from the sidelines addressed to someone with a name that is not listed the roster.

Here is a list of Rudy’s nicknames for each of his Minutewomen and how they earned them:


Junior forward Vanessa Patry (a.k.a. Bucky)- “The nickname Bucky came from her initials, which are V.P., which is short for vice president. And what did the vice president (Dick Cheney) do to his best buddy? He hit him with buckshot. And, you know what, she (understood it). It takes a stretch of the imagination to that and she got it.”

Senior midfielder Jenny Roehrig (a.k.a. J-RO)- “There’s a J-RO… there’s an A-Rod, so that’s where (she) got (hers). (That) was obvious.”

Redshirt senior goalkeeper Kristin Walker- “Walker’s just Walker. In fact, nobody knows her by ‘Kristin.’ Her mom said something about ‘Kristin this or that’ – I didn’t know who she was talking about.”

Senior midfielder/defender Kaelyn Caldwell (a.k.a. Mini)- “When I first saw her I thought she was sort of a small kid. She plays big but I thought she was a small kid so I called her ‘Mini.’

Senior forward Britt Canfield (a.k.a. Granny)- “I call her ‘Granny’ sometimes because she’s from Granville, (Mass.)” Her official name is ‘Brittney,’ but she is always addressed as ‘Granny’ or, more commonly, ‘Britt.’

Senior goalkeeper Melissa Jubinville (a.k.a. MoLiss)- “It’s sort of a sub-in for ‘Molissa,’ because they talk a little differently, you see [Though he doesn’t have a southern accent, Rudy was born in Washington D.C.]. You can’t have a ‘MELissa,’ you got to have a “MOlissa.’ And we already had a Melissa, we had Melissa Toulouse (when Jubinville transferred from St. Anselm).”

Senior midfielder/defender Christina Nunes (a.k.a. Nunezy)- “The players will call her that.”

Senior midfielder/defender Tina Rodriguez (T-Rod)- [Same reason as Alex Rodriguez]

Junior defender Melissa Toulouse (a.k.a. Mel or Melacious)- “(‘Melacious’) is the antithesis of who she is. A malicious person is a bad person and Mel is just a happy-go-lucky, good person. It’s being facetious.”

Sophomore forward Cristina Adams (a.k.a. Young Adams)- “Because she’s young.”

Redshirt sophomore defender Amy Ballew (a.k.a. Lew)- “I call her Lew and I call her Amy.”

Sophomore forward Jacquelyn Desjardins (a.k.a. DJ)- “I call her ‘DJ’ for Desjardins (French for ‘of the gardens’). I love French names. My wife is French Canadian.”

Sophomore midfielder Meghan Gould (a.k.a. Lesley)- “She was on crutches a lot of last year [after undergoing two leg surgeries] and her nickname was ‘Limp-along Lesley.’ [Rudy picked ‘Lesley’ because it is an alliteration of ‘Limp-along’]

Sophomore goalkeeper Lauren Luckey- “I don’t have one (for her). When you’re Luckey (lucky) you don’t need a nickname.”

Sophomore midfielder/forward Katie Ruggles (a.k.a. Rugg)- “It’s abbreviated and it’s quick.”

Sophomore forward Sydney Stoll (a.k.a. Syd the Kid)- [She got the nickname when she was a freshman]

Freshman defender Kelsey Anderson (a.k.a. Woo)- “It’s just a nickname that her sister told me to call her. I think when she was a young baby or something she used to just jump up and down on the bed and go, ‘Woo, woo’… I don’t know. It sounds good and it’s quick.”

Freshman midfielder/forward Ashley Hamel (a.k.a. Ham or Ash)- “Ham for Hamel. I call her Ash, too.”

Freshman midfielder Therese Smith (a.k.a. Tee or Smitty)- (Her teammates) call her ‘Tee,’ I call her ‘Smitty.’ I’ve had two (players) I’ve called ‘Smitty’ over the years. It’s quick and it works.”

Freshman defender Alyssa Visconti (a.k.a. Wee or Vava)- (Her teammates) call her Wee. That means we have a ‘Wee’ and a ‘Woo.’ I call her ‘Vava’ because she’s very technical like a Brazilian. Vava! Although she is of Italian descent.”

Mamma mia! What a player!

"Roehrig" is not Italian.

Well, Jenny Roehrig, midfielder for the Massachusetts women’s soccer team, is – it’s just her last name that’s not. That’s because her dad is German and Irish. Her mom, Maria, on the other hand, was born in Palermo, Sicily in 1959.

Maria’s parents, Carlo and Ersilia Tumminello, immigrated to America with their daughter in 1961, intrigued by the freedoms and opportunities the United States offers. In 1963, Ersilia gave birth to Maria’s younger sister, Laura.

After growing up in a proud Italian household where red, white and blue are among the most flaunted colors, Maria joined the New York Police Department in 1981. It was there that she fell for her partner, Willy Roehrig later in that year. There must have been amore in the midst of the NYPD, as the two married in 1983.

But this story isn’t about them. It’s about their daughter, Jenny, and her undying passion for the game of soccer. A passion that, perhaps, can be attributed to where her mother hails from.

What soccer means to Italy can be summed up in one word: everything. The love the Italians manifest for their national sport is one hard to duplicate on any continent. Every match is followed diligently on television or radio. Replica jerseys of beloved players, who are closer to rock stars than athletes, are donned by young Italian children. And little soccer games pop up spontaneously in the streets.

“It’s similar to the way Americans embrace football or baseball. They’re very enthusiastic about it. It’s their major sport,” says Maria Roehrig. “To them it’s constant action. They feel it is the true athlete because as an athlete in soccer you have to constantly be moving. And they think that in itself is skill, is excitement and they just really enjoy it.”

This may seem like the type of craze Americans have for their sports – but it’s much more than that.

“Just picture football, baseball, and hockey here in America rolled into one... that's soccer in Italy,” Jenny adds. “Soccer is everything to them.”

It’s not uncommon to see a group of people playing a game on a sidewalk or in the middle of the street. Only the severe injury or illness could ever prevent an Italian from lacing up his or her shoes and booting the ball around. A stroll through the back streets of any Italian town can remind one of the obsession for high school football that grips states like Texas and Louisiana. It is this type of fervor that Jenny Roehrig – who has been to Italy four times – has played with throughout her four years at UMass.

Just finishing her year as senior captain Jenny wrapped up a collegiate soccer career played with a passion so intense that it had to stem from Italy. For four years, she left everything she had on the field. UMass coach Jim Rudy says he always knew what he would get out of Jenny – a quality effort every time day in and day out, with a high priority of hard work.

“Usually when I give them a break – a five-minute break to go get water – she usually was of the first two or three that is back on the field right away like, ‘OK, I’m ready to go. What’s up now? What do you need?’” he says.

This is probably because of whom Jenny has in her cheering section. Rudy describes Jenny’s parents are like “the ultimate fans.” They make sure that at least one parent goes to each game. Rudy says Maria is very passionate about soccer and very supportive of all the Minutewomen, not just her own.

When the final horn of Jenny’s college career sounded, she had started all 70 games and recorded 11 goals and 14 assists, for 36 points. But these numbers didn’t spring out of nowhere. They were the result of a young life dedicated to her favorite sport.

Jenny – and her younger brother, Willy, 18 – started playing soccer just like any other kid, kicking the ball around with friends in neighborhood yards. When Jenny was four years old Maria signed her up for St. Margaret’s, a church soccer league near their home in New York. Maria thought it would be a good idea to get Jenny running around and playing a sport for an organized team.

Jenny’s dad and his friends were her first coaches and she got to play with almost the same coed group for four years, something she loved. An environment in which she got to play against friends from school and in which parents were all friends made games both competitive and fun. One year she even played on an all-boys team, which she says was a great experience. But Jenny always took it a little more seriously than her friends did.

It wasn’t until Jenny began playing for her first club team, the Newfield Lightning, however, that her parents began suspecting that what started as a recreational hobby was beginning to snowball into something else. Willy began to notice Jenny doing certain things not so typical of a girl her age – his daughter would regularly play sick or even injured. Some Italian passion leaking out, perhaps?

“At about eight years old, that’s when she started really, seriously playing hard,” Willy says. “She was getting pretty focused. I could see the focus coming in and it just got more intense as she went on.”

Jenny Roehrig would play banged up or under the weather – anything to keep her on the field. This is when it first looked like Jenny might wind up playing soccer in college. She began showing the same infatuation citizens of Italy take to soccer. If they can’t play it on a field, or in the street or in an alley, they’ll play it on the beach. There a little soccer courts set up on the sand so people can play a pick-up game whenever they please. There is an ardor for soccer incomparable to anything in America.

When the Lightning eventually folded Jenny played for the Sachem Angels of the Long Island Select Program, where she played against the best female players on Long Island. Her first year, the team won the state finals for the first time ever. It was there that Jenny developed some of her fondest soccer memories.

Though she played only four years with the Angels, Jenny says she and her teammates were like sisters and that the parents – especially the cheering posse of moms – grew very close as well. Then, like everything else good, the squad started to diminish and it was time Jenny, who had also been on a New York State Olympic Developmental Program (ODP) team (a higher level than Long Island Select Program) to move on to the Massapequa
Spirit.

It was her success there, cocktailed with her accolades at Newfield High School in Selden, N.Y., that first caught Rudy’s eye. As a Wolverine, Roehrig tallied 39 goals and 42 assists (120 points) en route to becoming the school’s all-time leading scorer. During her senior year, she amassed 39 points on nine goals and 13 assists. Her stats got her named All-County twice, All-League three times and All-Conference twice throughout her high school career. Rudy saw the love the young Roehrig had for soccer and recruited her to the Maroon and White.

Where did this passion come from? Was it the product of good parenting? An upbringing that preached hard work? Or both, combined with having a mother from a foreign shore where enthusiasm for soccer is as pure as it can get?

“My cousins play soccer, indoor soccer and outdoor soccer, even though now they’re professionals, they’re doctors, dentists and lawyers, they still play soccer at least once a week. It’s really big for them,” Maria says.

“The last time we were down in Sicily, [Laura’s husband] Danny and my cousins, who are younger than I am but older than Jenny, had started a soccer game out on the street,” she recalls.
Willy remembers one instance when Jenny was about three or four years old that defined the Italian love for soccer. The Roehrigs were visiting Maria’s aunt, Franca, and uncle, Giuseppe, at their home in Italy. Jenny started playing soccer with Franca and Giuseppe’s kids, Piero, Fabbio and Mario, in the house surrounded by glass and expensive ornaments and decreatives.

“I’d be like, ‘Be careful!’ and the aunt and uncle were like, ‘Oh, no problem,’” he says. “You know, like nice, laid-back Italians – ‘Oh, don’t worry about it. Let them play, let them play.’”

But the Tumminellos’ embrace of soccer is only a small sampling of the type of romanticism the Italians take to the game.

“Soccer is everything to them. They play soccer everywhere,” Jenny says. “They cherish the moments they have when they play. I mean, they have fun, but at the same time they take it seriously. Everyone is so competitive but shows such passion for the game, even if it isn’t on an actual soccer field.”

It is with this sort of zeal that Jenny tries to exhibit in every game she plays. Though her UMass career is over, she says soccer will always be in her. If she can find the time from her job at Goldman Sachs, a full-service global investment banking and securities firm she has committed to, she would like find some intramural soccer leagues to play in.

Even though the family is not rooted in the old country anymore, the Roehrigs hope to make sure by exercising such a for the European game and such close family ties that their Americanism and pride in their heritage will never die. And though they love calling Italy a second home, the family couldn’t be happier that they came to the United States and now have – on top of the liberties and opportunities of this country – have having an American soccer player to show for it.

Like Carlo Tumminello says, “It’s the besta move I ever make in my life.”

Locals give their 2 cents about war in Iraq

Congress isn't the only place where frustration with the Iraq War is on the rise, yet there seems no clear consensus about what to do next.

Average Americans - area residents included - also hold divergent views.

"I don't think you can pull the troops out of Iraq," said John Riskalla, 40, of Attleboro, Mass., "Once you committed to doing that, you're stuck. I think we have to stay. I felt the same way (when U.S. forces invaded in March 2003)," Riskella said. "I felt it was a bottomless pit, and I think that's why so many other world leaders didn't think it was such a good idea."

Riskella said he couldn't suggest a timetable for when U.S. troops should withdraw, adding only that it will take "a long, long, long, long time."

Wayde Wilson of Lexington, Mass., disagrees.

"I think (the troops) should (come home). They shouldn't be there anyway," he said.

Wilson said he has no political affiliation and was not initially against the war, but thinks now that the military situation has deteriorated since the capture of Saddam Hussein in December 2003.

"Who knows where (Osama bin Laden) is. If you can find him, we go after him and leave everybody else alone," said Wayde, 40. "Let (the insurgents) blow up themselves. We're killing more of our own than saving (Iraqis)."

Robert Voyer, 83, who served with the Marines from 1942 to 1944 is no stranger to war. A member of the 3rd Marine Division, he fought in Guam during World War II.

Voyer, of Attleboro, says invading Iraq was the right idea, but is critical of the way the war has been executed.

"(We should stay) until we start fighting our real war," said Voyer, who identified himself as a staunch Republican. "I think we need to use our Air Force so we can get what we can. We have enormous power."

Bat, pen both precious for UMass left fielder

It seems kind of ironic – a collegiate softball player majoring in journalism and English who wants to cover music instead of sports. But that is exactly the case with UMass junior Lauren Proctor.

The equation may seem a little more strange when one considers her pedigree. Her stepfather, Richard Restuccia, played professional for the Milwaukee Brewers before wear and tear on his shoulder forced him into retirement. But it’s not just Papa Proctor, however. Her mom is just as big a sportsaholic.

“They are sports nuts. I’ll give them a call and they’re saying, ‘Today we’re watching the Atlanta Braves and then we’re going to watch this sport and this sport,’” Proctor says. “And so I’ll be talking to them and my mom will be, ‘Yeaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. Home run!’” Proctor says.

Despite this overwhelming upbringing into the Wide World of Sports, Proctor thinks she would rather write about concerts and tattooed guitarists then sports games and athletes.

And she is grabbing her ambitions by the horns.

So far, she has already gotten her foot in the door with multiple music publications like Performer Magazine, a magazine for which she has a concentration on artists coming out of the area. But this 21-year-old likes to keep busy – so she spreads herself around. She also writes for www.talkofnewyork.com, a hip-hop site run by BET photographers which receives 104,000 unique visits a day. The site has allowed her to interview people like Tyrese, Clinton Sparks (Diddy’s DJ) and Frankie J.

Or how about Skope Magazine – an internationally circulated magazine that just got a deal to be distributed in Barnes and Noble.

She also writes promos for Existence Records, an electronic label out of Canada that just had a release featured on iTunes Canada, UK, and Japan, reaching Number eight on the Japanese charts.

But Proctor doesn’t stop there.

She is also in the process of starting an online music magazine called Thrill Music Mag. It will cover all musical genres and is set to launch Sept. 1. She says she has stories lined up with artists ranging from My Chemical Romance to Justin Timberlake and Amy Winehouse. The site will feature a section called ‘Tastemakers’ that will feature highlight artists who necessarily ‘chart-famous’.

“I love writing about music. I’ve always loved music and in high school I made it a point to find new bands before they got famous. I feel lucky that I’ve found something I truly enjoy so much,” she says. “My parents have definitely encouraged me to be a sports writer but I guess I feel a different calling with my life. I love sports and have really enjoyed playing, but just don’t necessarily see sports journalism in my future.”

No matter what kind of a career her future holds or what kind of doors her diploma opens, Lauren knows that right now she plays for UMass Softball – that’s all that matters. Her team just won the Atlantic 10 Championship for the 13th time in 14 years – and 19th overall – and the Minutewomen have no intention of stopping there.

It was announced during the NCAA softball selection show on ESPNews on Sunday that UMass will host the Regionals for the second year in a row. The Minutewomen are the No. 2 team in the Amherst Regional and will face No. 3 Rhode Island (33-20) at 4:30 p.m. The regional is double elimination and runs through Sunday.

“I think it took us a little while to get going and to figure some things out, which is natural. But, I would say, that we’re doing well,” Proctor says.

It didn’t take Proctor long to figure things out, as she was a key factor in the Minutwomen’s success from Day One.

Heading into the further depths of the season, she maintains a batting average of .367. Over the course of the season she racked up 33 runs, 54 hits, 40 RBIs and a .503 slugging percentage. She is the epitome of a solid player – though she does not lead the team in any of the aforementioned categories she is consistently in the top two or three and she will always come through in the clutch.

“LP is as timely as anybody,” Sortino says. “She’s probably one of our best hitters with runners in scoring position this year. She’s solid.”

Though Proctor’s 2006-07 numbers may jump off the stat sheet to the casual reader, they are still the result of the steady progress she made since first donning the maroon and white.

She started all 54 games of her freshman season, finishing fourth on the team – and ninth in the A-10 – with a .322 batting average. By the time the year was done she had accumulated 27 runs scored, 47 hits (including three home runs) and 31 RBIs. She also garnered a slugging percentage of .466 and an on-base percentage of .385.

She continued her excellence during her sophomore year, starting in all 57 games. She mustered a .364 batting average to accompany her 30 runs scored, 60 hits, 20 RBIs and a .419 on-base percentage. She also had a slugging percentage of .455.

Her outstanding numbers earned her the honor of being selected as a third-team ESPN The Magazine All-District, first-team NFCA All-Region, Atlantic 10 All-Tournament team, first-team Atlantic 10 All-Conference and Academics All-Conference.

Those types of accolades have the ability to make any player look down their nose at her peers – but not Lauren Proctor. Her goal is not to amount statistics or numbers that win her the attention of the who’s who of the sports world, but rather to perform well day-in and day-out and help her team.

“I would say that I work for the hopes of contributing to the team and hopefully the team will do well in the end, but those types of honors are just an added bonus,” she says. “It’s nice to get that recognition, so it’s just a bonus for all the work that happens.”

While the adjustment moving from the West Coast to the East Coast might pose difficulty for most young students, it was no problem for Proctor, who is used to uprooting and relocating.

Born in Phoenix, Ariz., she moved to Pismo Beach, Calif. After finishing her sophomore year of high school in the picturesque city of California, her family again upped and moved – this time to Redmond, Washington. After Lauren tossed her high school graduation cap into the air, her father’s job as a regional manager for a sprinkler company forced them to pack their bags and move to La Jolla, Calif.

Whether it was this constant relocating at such a young age or the company that met her at UMass, Proctor did a terrific job of adjusting from the laid-back atmosphere of California to New England.

“I think that move in the middle of high school really helped me embrace a new place and the team was amazingly welcoming,” she says. “[Coach Elaine Sortino] made a point to make sure that I understood that I would be a key player from the very beginning and it was a great transition.”

Where a young, aspiring college athlete chooses to attend school depends very heavily on the coach that is doing the recruiting and Proctor couldn’t be happier that Sortino sought her out.

During her recruitment, the two would talk on the phone for hours at a time. Proctor says her coach is truly interested in who her players are and really tries to understand them. Any thing they shared over the phone held true once Proctor arrived at UMass – nothing is fake with Sortino.

“The coach I talked to over the phone during my recruiting period is the same coach that has been here,” Proctor says.

Sortino is relentless on her players. She wants the very best out of everyone that sports a Minutewomen’s jersey and eats and drinks nothing but UMass Softball. And this legacy that gripped Proctor actually stretches throughout the United States.

“I talked to some other coaches and Jackie Joseph of Michigan State said, ‘She is legendary.’ She used that word, ‘legendary’ and that’s when I kind of realized, ‘You know what? She is,’ Proctor says. “She’s a great person, a great coach – I couldn’t ask for more.”

“She is tough on us, but I think it’s because she wants us to succeed,” she continues. “She has the belief that if you’re going to succeed in the classroom, you’ll also succeed on the field and so you have to bring your work ethic to every aspect of your life.”

It usually takes just the right coach to ease the initial blow of the college jump and Sortino did just that. But, of course, Proctor’s teammates deserve some of the credit.

All of the Minutewomen have formed a bond rare among sports teams nowadays. The ‘25 players, 25 cabs’ mentality of Red Sox teams from decades ago is nonexistent in the UMass clubhouse. It is no-pressure, low-key atmosphere where the girl at the locker next to yours is not just your teammate, but also your friend.

“It’s a great group of girls,” Proctor says. “We have a really healthy team culture where everyone’s friendly, everyone is really respectful. There’s not a lot of seniority issues. It’s really a model team – one of the best teams that I’ve ever played for.”

Oh, and did you know Lauren Proctor speaks Spanish? It’s true.

While growing up in Arizona, she had a nanny from Mexico City named Lupe. With Lupe knowing only Spanish, Proctor was brought up learning the language. When Lupe stopped working for the family, however, Proctor knowledge of Spanish depleted, so she became taking courses at UMass in order to pay homage to the person who helped raise her. In fact, she plans on getting a Spanish minor.

“It’s always come fairly easily and it’s something that I’m really passionate about. So, when you’re passionate about something doing the work for it never seems like work,” she says.

That equals a double major in journalism and English with a minor in Spanish. That will be a pretty impressive resume when applying to Oxford – yes, Oxford. Her dream is to go there for grad school for her Ph.D. and she plans to apply to become a Rhodes Scholar. She knows it is a longshot but that will not stop her from going for her dream.

In fact, she plans to get an early start by heading over to Trinity College at Oxford for part of the summer to study. While there she will probably indulge in a little traveling, and training and maybe even working with Softball UK.

But, whether she is learning Spanish in the U.S. or using American English in England or covering Nas for a living, Proctor is going to make noise with something other than a bat in her future. She will use the same diligence and hard work she does on the softball field to achieve whatever dreams lie within her grasp.

God doesn't hate gays...He hates the Westboro Baptist Church

Oh, boy, I have been waiting a very long time to do this – bash the Westboro Baptist Church. Well, my chance is finally here.

The raving bunch of pseudo-Christians have made the headlines of many newspapers and the top story of many evening news shows for their deplorable protests at the funerals of American soldiers killed in Iraq. Armed with signs reading “God hates your tears”, “God hates America”, “God hates fags”, “Thank God for IEDs”, these pathetic souls picket the burial services of America’s heroes fallen to combat because they feel the United States is a sinful and “doomed nation.”

Run by the Rev. Fred Phelps (who actually looks like he died about seven years ago), the WBC says the U.S. government has disgraced the Lord God and the Holy Bible by creating gay-friendly laws and telling the whole world homosexuality is OK. These psychopaths have been seen inflicting horrific emotional pain into the lives of a deceased’s family by holding protests (for whatever particular reason) mere feet away from a funeral.

They picketed the burial of Matthew Shepherd, a 21-year-old homosexual man who was lured from a college campus bar, tied to a split-rail fence and brutally beaten to death simply because he was gay. Members of the church (if you can even call it a church) shouted harassments at Shepard’s mother, telling her Matthew was burning in hell for committing the ultimate sin – sodomy. Mrs. Shepard was seen crying hysterically as friends and family members tried to console her.

But, gay people aren’t the only ones who suffer the WBC’s wrath. Phelps and his band of idiots are often at the funerals of soldiers killed while defending their country in Iraq – because, since America is a gay-loving nation, they were sent straight to hell. The protesters brought signs that help them spread their love to other victims of tragedy. They like to stand near the funeral procession with banners that say “Thank God for AIDS”, “Thank God for 9/11”, “Thank God for Hurricane Katrina.” No one is spared from this group’s spew of hatred – almost everyone is going to burn because America is ‘tolerant’ of homosexuality.

And these sick bastards just came painfully close to sticking their filthy paws into another American tragedy – the Virginia Tech Massacre. That’s right. The Westboro Baptist Church planned on protesting the funerals of the victims of the horrific shooting at Virginia Tech that killed 32 people on Patriots’ Day. Members say higher education preaches rebelliousness against God and, therefore, these kids deserved to die.

“Why did this happen, you ask? It’s simple,” says godhatesamerica.com, one of the church’s websites. “The Lord your God sent a crazed madman to shoot at your children, and he didn’t miss. Get this straight – God sent this South Korean madman to kill 31 of your children at Virginia Tech. Was God asleep while this place? Was He on vacation? Of course not. He willed this to happen to punish you for assailing His servants.” – This gem comes straight from godhatesamerica.com, one of the WBC’s lovely websites.

The church agreed to cancel all protests related to the Virginia Tech Massacre – with a few stipulations. It suspended all pending pickets, and won’t schedule future pickets, in exchange, however, for three hours of national radio time with Mike Gallagher on his National Radio Show, where its members will openly discuss its religious positions on tragedies like the shootings at VT. They also plan on doing the same routine at the funerals for victims of the tragic tornadoes in Kansas – their home state.

And what about some of their websites – godhatesfags.com, godhatesamerica.com, godhatescanada.com and godhatessweden.com? They all spew the same kind of trash as the rest, but for different reasons. Phelps created the third website in response to the Dominion of Canada passing of a law on April 28, 2004, that makes any criticism of gays a crime punishable by fines and jail time. He created his anti-Sweden site after Pastor Ake Green was imprisoned for preaching that homosexual sex is an abomination.

Yeah, these people are simply beautiful.

I wonder where Phelps attended Sunday school and what kind of Bible he studied. It certainly was not the Bible of the Lord God – that’s for sure. My God loves every one of the creatures He created and would never condemn someone to hell simply for being gay. Phelps and his posse of mentally-warped heathens are using their First Amendment rights (a perk of the so-called “doomed nation” of America) to spread their message of hate.

Mr. Phelps, this God you claim you are speaking for does not exist. The one true God is a loving and caring one and He weeps because of what you are doing. You are sending not His messages, but rather the message of the devil.
But, just to cover all my bases, just in case a God with your frame-of-mind does exist, here is a message from me to you, Mr. Phelps: Take that Holy Bible you have perverted and those mindless drones you have brainwashed and have them forever keep you company in the bowels of Satan’s kingdom.

Can a brother get a cheap sweatshirt?!?!

Like it says to the right of this article, I attend the University of Massachusetts at Amherst. But, you see, I often forget this, what with the plethora of non-UMass paraphernalia floating around campus and all.

Moseying my way to class every morning I pass numerous peers wearing sweatshirts and caps that feature the names and logos of colleges not our own. I encounter attire that sports emblems of colleges ranging from Fitchburg State, UNH, University of West Virginia, Miami University, even UCLA. The last time I checked a college student is supposed to have pride in his/her school. Why, then, am I constantly bombarded with my fellow UMassers donning any colors besides maroon and white?

I am so distraught over this issue that I have actually posed this very question to a few individuals among the masses that wear paraphernalia of other universities. And they say it is mostly because one cannot get a quality UMass product on the cheap.

At the U-Store in the Campus Center, a University of Massachusetts sweatshirt go can go for more than $60. Fed up with getting as screwed over at the U-Store as at the local gas station, most students head down to Steve & Barry’s at the Hampshire Mall for all their UMass clothing needs.

There is one catch, though – there is no UMass attire at Steve & Barry’s. That’s right, there is no Maroon and White apparel in a clothing store mere minutes away from the UM campus. The majority of students must choose to settle for a seven dollar-something with “Rutgers Scarlet Knights” embroidered on it.

Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?

Students should be proudly flashing their school’s colors on sweatshirts, sweaters, hats…anything that can tell a crowd, “I go to UMass and I am darn proud of it.” But, apparently, the folks down at the U-Store – or perhaps the manufacturers – think we students are members of the Rockefeller family and can drop that much dough for a piece of clothing.

News flash: We can’t.

I don’t know about my classmates, but I can’t afford to fork over a lot of cash for anything. The money I have on me most of the time consists of whatever coins I manage to find to the floor of my dorm room on any particular morning.

I love my school. I love everything about it – the people, the classes, the opportunities, the parties. I want to flaunt my status as a UMass student (as I’m sure many other students do). But I’m not made of money. I’d like to be able to purchase some Massachusetts paraphernalia and at least be able to buy licorice after. After all, I am not Paris Hilton – I cannot wipe my rear end with $20 bills. I need clothing I can afford.

The outrageous prices on UMass gear are masking school pride and it is very unfortunate. Go to any other college campus and you will see the students strutting around their turf with all sorts of clothing decked out with their schools’ logo. The reason you don’t see Massachusetts students sporting UMass stuff in larger quantity does not mean that they are lacking in school spirit. They have it coming out of their ears. Just think about it. We needed riot police to control the swarms of (idiotic) students that trashed Southwest after the football team lost a game. But, unfortunately, the high prices of paraphernalia forces many-a-student to settle for some lame ‘Oregon’ sweatshirt.

There are two Steve & Barry’s gift cards in my wallet – which one of my friends was nice enough to give me – and it would be nice if (even combined) I could walk in and buy a decent UMass sweatshirt. Unfortunately, that is just not the case.

I look forward to seeing my fellow students strolling throughout campus with Maroon and White garb on, but it seems as though that may not happen for quite so time. I guess we will have to further suffer the eyesore of seeing our peers walking around with the logos of other schools plastered all over them. At least until the time comes when people wise up and realize that we college students cannot fork over a bunch Mr. Jackson’s for a piece of clothing we would love to own, that is. So, until then, let me be the first to say, “Go Tar Heels!”

Homophobia in camouflage

There was once a time when black people could not join the military. There was also once a time when women could not join the military.

Fortunately, legislation passed in 1866 and 1942 , respectively, changed all of that and got the ball rolling on fighting discrimination in America.

Since the very beginning of our nation’s history, certain Americans have been chipping away at the foundation of prejudice and inequality in order to make a more democratic and equal United States – and we’ve come a long way.

Despite our progress over the years, however, there remains a group of people who still can’t choice to one of the most honorable things possible – serve their country in battle.

The people I am referring to here are homosexuals.

For years young men and women looking to join the military had to identify their sexual orientation on their enlistment form. And if they admitted to being gay, they were rejected.

Then in 1993 President Bill Clinton took the biggest leap in history for gay rights in the military when he signed the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy. Basically, the bill said the government wouldn’t ask an enlisting private if he/she were gay as long as he/she didn’t say they were gay.

It was a compromise between banning homosexuals entirely and allowing them to serve while being open about their sexuality.

But the policy is not exactly justice.

As soon as a soldier admits to his/her sexual orientation, he/she is discharged.

This is the one of best examples of the lack of acceptance that has plagued this country since its earlier hour.

Whether or not a soldier is gay is nobody’s damn business. A soldier enlists in the military because he/she wants to serve the country and rejecting an aspiring private simply because of what he/she likes in bed is as discriminatory as anything I’ve ever heard.

But, good news might be on the horizon for homosexual patriots.

Representative Marty Meehan (D-Mass) has reintroduced a bill that would repeal the military’s policy on barring gays. It would allow gay and lesbian soldiers to serve while open about their homosexuality.

Meehan proposed the bill last year with 122 co-sponsors, but it got squashed in the Republican-lead Congress. But this year the Dems have control and, thus, the bill has a better chance of passing.

According to Meehan, the bill now has more than 100 co-sponsors and seven freshmen.

It even has the support of three Republicans – one of which is Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen of Florida.

She says she is in favor of the bill because her husband, Dexter, was cared for by a lesbian nurse when he was wounded in combat in Vietnam.

But even with the increasing support, this whole thing is still pretty embarrassing.

Every member of the US Congress should be trying to get this bill passed. That is, at least, if they consider themselves real Americans.

The United States is supposed to be the land of equality and freedom. Whites, blacks, Orientals, gays/lesbians, fat people, short people, tall people should all be treated equal by the law.

Every time someone is treated differently because of who they are, it spits in the face of everything America is meant to be.

The US in supposed to the ‘home of the free’ and whenever a group of people that are a little different than the norm are discriminated against it is like someone wiping their mouth with the American flag.

Since the policy was signed into law, 11,000 soldiers – almost the amount as one army division – have been kicked out of the armed forces simply for coming out of the closet. Of those 11,000, 38 have been Arabic translators.

The people who sent us into Iraq and are now scrounging for more military recruits are the same people booting soldiers out because of what they like to do in their bedrooms.

Attention politicians: If you want to keep gays and lesbians out of the armed services, you are not real Americans. You are pseudo-American bigots and a disgrace to this nation.

Any citizen that is willing to take up arms to defend his/her country should be praised – not discriminated against when discovering what they like in the sheets.

Who the hell is writing the military protocol anyway? Tim Hardaway?

It’s certainly not the American troops – that’s for sure.

According to a survey conducted by both combat and non-combat units, 73 percent of US military members say they would feel comfortable serving with openly gay and lesbian comrades. And more than one in five soldiers polled said they already know for certain that someone in their unit is homosexual and that they are fine with it.

So don’t even try suggesting those pinheads that are opposed to gays and lesbians being in the military are trying to keep the best interest of the troops in mind. The soldiers say they’re fine with it. It is merely a bunch of idiotic, homophobic numbskulls that want discriminate against people to keep their own ‘ideal’ America intact.

Well, morons, enough is enough.